Summer raised an excellent point in her comment on yesterday's post about the now infamous birthday registry:
I'll play devil's advocate and say it depends on what was registered and why?
When I first read the invitation (after I got over the shock and "aww, shit, you're kidding me"), I wondered the same things.
Let's say you're having a birthday party for your kid. You want her to receive presents, but there are certain types of toys etc. that you just don't approve of. Is there a non-offensive way to get this information out there?
Personally, I wouldn't have thought twice (well, not more than twice) if Mom (or Dad!) had enclosed a handwritten note saying something like, "If you plan to bring a gift, Little Johnny is really into wooden blocks right now." Something like that, maybe? Do you think that that's any better? Or, should you just graciously accept what's given and donate anything you don't care for to charity?
As for what's on the registry, well, I shall investigate and report back. I've just gotta know!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Some Things Beg To Be Blogged Pt. 2
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
)
18 comments:
I took her comment to heart as well. But I'm with you on the invitation "insert." Lord knows my kids don't need any more stuff; but it's always inevitable that someone will bring something (they always do.) In the event of that, I would like to know that their money was not wasted on something that will be unappreciated. Christmas is the worst in our family. It boggles my mind just how much stuff my husband's family buys for that holiday. I think this year I will tell everyone to donate to Heifer International. My guess is, however, that they won't do it.
I've always believed that it is rude to tell people what to do with THEIR money. Whether it's asking them to donate to charity, a trip, a registry (unless they ask for your registry) or even, NO gifts at all. How presumptuous to assume that they are bringing a gift at all! Since when did the focus of every celebration become about what people should do with their money, rather than people getting together to celebrate the person or the event. If someone gives my children plastic toys, I say thank you, if they give my children homemade toys/gifts, I say thank you. I will always teach my children to be thankful for what they are given regardless of what it is and how much they are given. I think most people are quite capable and intelligent enough to sort their chilren's toys later on (donate or get rid of things inappropriate). I hope I can always show my children that they are loved by their family and friends through many different ways (gifts if one of them).
It is disappointing to see more and more people think it acceptable to tell people what to bring or not bring.
I think they should graciously accept what is given. It would be different if a potential gift-giver were to ask a parent in person what the child would like to receive as a git. But to put it in the invitation is just wrong...
I could see a little note like, "Please no guns" or a joke, "Frazzled parents request nothing battery-operated :) " but that's about it. If you put a note like "she loves blocks" you would end up with 20 sets of blocks, I'd imagine. Then next year's would be, "Please no blocks!" ha ha
What about, "Current favorite toys: blocks, books, Snoozie Suzie doll" or something like that? Graciously accepting gifts and returning them if needed is my method. A good gift-giver always puts in a return receipt. What's on that registry anyway?
I get it if you have preferences.
But if you want to invite people to a party then I think that comes with the understanding that they can and will bring what they invite. To make requests is in bad taste. If you have strong feelings about what your child can or cannot play with, then perhaps just not have a big party but keep it a smaller affair, inviting those who know you well enough to know your and your child's toy preferences.
I can't wait to see what's on the registry!
I think if there is something the family strongly disapproves of, there are other ways to get the word out. However a gracious host or hostess shouldn't dictate what or how others chose to gift.
Honestly, I don't think that the parents INTENDED to be rude; I don't know them, so I don't want to bash them personally. But, I just really don't like the idea of a gift registry for kids. It just seems to take the fun out of everything.
Nah. I'm not budging no matter what. Picking and choosing is just being picky and choosy. Say, "no gifts" before you say "only these gifts."
There's a difference between a receiving a gift and placing an order.
I still have to disagree with the karen above. What if it's a great-grandmother who crocheted a blanket for your child. Still no gifts? Then if you accept this, why can't the grandmother give something? Or the aunt? Best not to say anything except thank you.
Hmmm. Intersting. I would probably be taken aback also. Register for a bday party????
Strange.
I think it's dumb. Accept whatever gifts come your way graciously and that's that. Seriously. WTF??
We taught our kids to say thank you and accept whatever gift they are given. Heck, they don't even care if they already own one just like it. If it's something we don't approve of or the kids don't play with, it goes to charity.
I too am interested in seeing what's on the registry.
I understand where Summer is coming from and have some of the same rules myself. BUT. I still think it is tacky to write that in an invitation. If a parent asks then you can mention that to them.
I mean, I hate all the candy and plastic crap my kids get in the loot bags from parties. But they are gifts. I deal with it when I get home. I don't put in a request to the person to only buy organic food and eco-friendly toys because that is rude. If I am that concerned I can just say no thank you to the loot bag or not attend the party.
It's one thing to mention it to family, another to write it in an invitation.
I consider family fair game for gift instructions. But, family always asks.
I can't wait to hear what's the registry. Like in my last comment I like the idea of the "insert" in the invitation for people. There are some things you just don't need multiples of. ;)
The registry seems very exclusionary- what if someone can't afford a new gift and prefers to give gently used or gifts of time.
If you are picky about what toys your kids play with, then a "no gifts please" is appropriate. Or "in lieu on gifts donate to..."
I'd like to think I'm not judgmental, but I can't think of what would make this okay.
I had a friend who did that for her daughter's first birthday. She stated her daughter's size and what she was interested in. As a non-mom at the time I found it really helpful even though the Miss Manners in me found it incredibly rude. (She made it sound as if gifts were expected.) When my son was born I sent out a funny letter letting people know we were looking to avoid toxic toys, that we already had a lot of stuff and that I really wanted people to just save their money for experiences with my son when he was older. Half the people got upset and the other half sent me crap from my please don't buy list and a few people got the point. No matter what you do you are going to end up insulting some people.
These posts remind me of a story my mom told me. When I was little, actually most of my childhood, we were VERY poor. My brother was invited to a birthday party, he was about eight. We had no money for a gift, but my brother went into our bedroom and picked out one of his favorite toys. He wrapped it up and gave it to his friend. It makes me cry to even think of it.
It is the thought and the caring that should matter, not what the present is that should be important. I think that may be part of why this bugs me so much. The registry makes a bigger deal out of what the gift is rather than who and what went into giving it.
I love Autumn's comment on how the registry makes the gift a bigger deal than the little person giving it.
Certain relatives of mine have this habit of making a big fuss if they don't get what they want for Christmas/birthdays/etc..and they are adults! For me it always comes back to what we value in life: stuff or people? If you start this early with getting the right stuff, people become secondary. Or just a way to get more/better stuff.
Post a Comment