Think about this statement for a moment:
"I bet you'll do things differently with the next one!"
Translation: "Man, you've really screwed this one up, haven't you?"
Believe it or not, I have been on the receiving end of that comment more than once. Yes, someone has not only glibly passed judgement on my parenting "mistakes," but also felt a need to share that judgement with me.
What did I do that was oh so wrong? Child led weaning and the family bed.
It started innocently enough. Baby Puppy was a preemie. I was a terrified first-time mother, determined that she would thrive. In the hospital, I refused to let the nurses take her to the nursery. When she suffered from jaundice that would not respond to treatment, I nursed her every hour on the hour. When she wouldn't sleep, wouldn't gain weight, I took her into my bed so that she could nestle against my skin and nurse on demand.
Baby Puppy turns four years old this month. No, she's not weaned; she still wants to cuddle against my breast at bedtime. And bedtime? Still in the family bed.
"I bet you'll do things differently with the next one!"
Will I? Let's see. I have a beautiful, smart, confident, secure daughter who has had exactly 2 colds and one stomach bug in her entire life. Never had an ear infection. Fearless and high-spirited, she runs wide open at all times. She's happy.
Really screwed that one up, huh?
So what do I consider my parenting "mistake?" Allowing someone else to make me feel bad about the decisions I have made for my daughter. That's a parenting mistake I will do my best never to repeat!
For the "Mistakes and Lessons Learned" Group Writing Project at Babylune.
Monday, June 11, 2007
"Mistakes . . .I've Made A Few"
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15 comments:
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you know, the things I feel the most uncomfortable with regarding parenting are the things that I have done on others peoples insistence.
Yey you for sticking to your guns and doing what you thought right. You should be very proud of yourself for that.
Your 4 year old is nursing? Someone call CPS! Talk about attachment issues! Yours, not the kid's!
Just for Anonymous:
Texas psychologist Linda Sonna of the American Psychological Association says there is growing recognition that it's best to let the child determine when she's ready to wean. Many children "may not be ready until 5, 6, or even later," says Sonna, who has written many parenting books including "The Everything Toddler Book."
"There's no reason to think it is abnormal or pathological or sick," says Nancy Holtzman , board-certified lactation consultant at Isis Maternity parenting programs in Arlington, Brookline, and Needham.
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2007/03/31/supply_and_demand/?page=1
I'm sorry I was rude and mean and bitchy in my former comment. You're earth mama I get it.
However, I still think it's completely developmentally inappropriate for a 4 year old to still be nursing.
I don't think the issue is whether the child is ready or not. I think the issue is whether YOU, the mother, is ready to let go of the intimacy. Obviously you are not if you're still nursing at that age. Which, I would argue is not fostering healthy independence.
At 4, or 5 or 6 as that psychologist says, I think you're getting into dangerous territory in regards to inappropriate sexual contact with a child.
But, I am sorry that I was ugly, bitchy and mean about it.
Anonymous - It's cool. Extended nursing seems to provoke some pretty strong feelings.
Actually, I agree with you up to a point. If I were nursing my daughter to meet some need of my own, that would definitely be unhealthy (for both of us). I'm not. Nor am I deliberately prolonging the nursing experience. I'm following the approach to child led weaning outlined by Dr. William Sears: I don't offer, but I don't refuse (my personal exception: I won't nurse in public anymore. Your first comment serves to illustrate why).
I assure you, there is nothing sexual about it.
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
Thanks for that post - judgementalism is the bane of motherhood as far as I am concerned.
"Judgementalism is the bane of motherhood" - I love it! I should have t-shirts made; the back could read "so get off my ass!"
Good for you for doing what you feel is right, despite other people hassling you. I wanted very badly to have a midwife assisted water birth for my first child, but got so much criticism that I ended up having him in the hospital and it was a terrible experience.
Now I do what I think is right, with both my sons and don´t pay attention to the critics and life is far more relaxed.
Is there a concern for more cavity-prone teeth for your child when you're nursing for a duration longer than what society "dictates"? No judgment, just a question :)
Cavity Question - Not necessarily. You would want to avoid letting the child bathe their teeth in breast milk all night, just as you wouldn't want to let a child suck a bottle of anything (except water, I guess) all night long. Neither is good for the teeth. That's my understanding. But, I don't think extended nursing itself makes for more cavity prone teeth.
Thanks for article!
Thanks for interesting article.
Glad to read articles like this. Thanks to author!
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